On loser

According to social expectations, I am literally a loser.

Why? I have no properties. I have no girlfriend and even marriage. I have no money. I have ever quit my job recently.

But I'm not. Because I just can't meet that social expectations and thus keep the economy running.

If I was not too ill, I should have worked in the fast food restaurant for 7 days in a row, including my birthday. However at the time of writing, I am in Eastbourne having my birthday staycation, after considering my health condition, which is better while I still need to be cautious.

Thus I arranged a sea view room in which I long for since last summer. It's the best time to stay for a night.

I checked in on my birthday, spending all the time in the room since check in time except going out for dinner. Spending time drawing (exploring) the room and having hot bath so that my body can be warmer.

I had a good sleep even though, according to my smartwatch, I was still physically stressed in terms of heart rate. Putting away the curtain I could see the bright, almost cloudless sky, at 7:30am. The sun was about to show up half an hour later.

I went out to the balcony and watched the very perfect sunrise I haven't seen before. As the weather is always changeable especially in the UK, this may be the first and the last time I saw the sunrise like this, and next time even though I could still enjoy the good price staying in this hotel again, the sun and the cloud conditions will be totally different.

Am I a loser? At least I know there is something that money can't buy, and my life can come to end someday that I don’t expect. Even though I still look young as 30s when reaching 40, you don't know what will happen. I just want to, at least, allow something to happen as I can; and even control what I can control AT THIS MOMENT.