On my recent identity crisis as an artist
I once questioned myself all about art and its career…
Urban Sketchers London event in Wellcome Collection
I love sketching. I am self-taught and I gradually gain passion while trying to conquer challenges like starting from small.
I engaged more and more in sketching-related social and business activities. These include taking part in different kinds of drawing meet ups, establishing my own sketching group, participating in art fairs and organizing two art exhibitions (one in a telephone box in a park, and one solo in an art gallery shop). I keep updating my Instagram account which has been used for more than a decade. Figures show audiences in London/UK, after moving from Hong Kong for almost three years, has been rising.
While I don’t think I have a very good and steady business performance on my art career, I still keep it on because I believe this will take a lot of time. Thus when I was given an opportunity to organise my own solo art exhibition in a gallery, I was so grateful because I could talk to the owner and she could arrange me a date.
Most of the time I just hope to have my works hung on the wall and that’s it, until I was told there would be a private view. I remember on that day maybe due to the rainy day, or maybe the gallery was too far from Central London, or maybe I still didn’t have wide enough social network (especially meeting those who can afford original artworks), there were not so many people coming and at the end no original artworks had been sold. Except the £10 cash from the only visitor who bought one of my A5 limited print.
My gallery owner urged me to bring back all my stuff as soon as possible. She didn't allow me some time to get back, and gave me the deadline of 4pm in the same day. I tried to see if Uber could serve as a courier to transport them to my home without me getting on the vehicle. Thankfully I got all my stuff back, while one of the frames was broken and I wasn’t informed what caused that (although I believed it dropped off…).
All these experience contributed to the feeling of failure.
It seems popularity with red wines and good sales becomes the ultimate value as a successful artist. You do not only get those photos showing off your success at least on social media, but also gain the reputation and credibility in a society.
If I fail to attract a lot of people and drive a lot of earnings, am I still an artist? If money and reputation are not the only king and queen in the game, what else can reveal my value?
If I am successful in this exhibition, so where should I go?
Why should I sketch? Why should I build my career when I am told I have a talent in drawing?
Why do people always emphasize productivity when they are sketching? So what when I am able to sketch a lot of pictures and have them posted on social media? So what? Is it ironic when I become a robot or machine, and will my artworks become consuming products as they become less rare?
Then I think of so many people who are skillful in sketching but don’t show them on social media and even sell their artworks.
Then I think of the article written by Derek Sivers, “Would you make your art if you were the last person on earth?”
During the recent two months, I almost didn’t sketch as many as normal except the two projects I was working on. I could sketching nothing during some of the trips. I took a break most of the time.
I am not sure whether I have all the answers I asked as above. But after a period of break I naturally started drawing, and joined the sketching events again. When I talked to a sketcher, we both agreed that if we don’t want to sketch, so don’t want to sketch.
Sketching and even my art career is just a part of my life. Maybe they are important, but they are not the whole. Yes, the reality is sketching and career are two things. I don’t need to commit to anyone and my gaining ability to draw doesn’t ensure my related career will be successful, as it needs ongoing learning process of marketing, story telling, and other skills. While it’s also as interesting as sketching, they can sacrifice my art making process which can create life satisfaction so that I will end up more frustration instead. As an artist, he or she should first focus on enjoying that process.
And rest plays an important role especially when I question myself or feel tired. The earlier you take a break, the earlier is that you can be more energetic and creative on your artwork.
An artist needs to show his or her both positive and negative sides of humanity while demonstrating to play both better and better. As we are human beings who can’t be identical to each other, we can show different selfs and if we try, all these experiences will become our own unique artworks with unique core values which can inspire others.
So now I am motivated and ready to continue sketching and telling my story to you. Here is just the beginning and I will bring more episodes here!
